2 bancuri bune rău

Moses, Jesus and a bearded old man are playing golf. Moses drives a long one, which lands on the fairway but rolls directly toward the pond. Moses raises his club, parts the water and the ball rolls safely to the other side.
Jesus also hits a long one toward the same pond, but just as it's about to land in the center, it hovers above the surface. Jesus casually walks out on the pond and chips it onto the green.
The bearded man's drive hits a fence and bounces out onto the street, where it caroms off an oncoming truck and back onto the fairway. It's headed directly for the pond, but it lands on a lily pad, where a frog sees it and snatches it into his mouth. An eagle swoops down, grabs the frog and flies away. As the eagle and frog pass over the green, the frog drops the ball and lands it in the cup for a hole-in-one.
Moses turns to Jesus and says, "I hate playing with your dad!"

Alvin is working in his store when he hears a booming voice from above that says, "Alvin, sell your business!" He ignores it. The voice goes on for days saying, "Alvin, sell you business for three million dollars!" After weeks of this, he relents and sells his store.
The voice says, "Alvin, go to Las Vegas!"
Alvin asks why.
"Alvin, just take the three million dollars and go to Las Vegas."
Alvin obeys, goes to Las Vegas and visits a casino.
The voice says, "Alvin, go to the blackjack table and put it all down on one hand!"
Alvin hesitates but gives in. He's dealt an eighteen. The dealer has a six showing.
"Alvin, take a card!"
"What? The dealer has..."
"Take a card!"
Alvin tells the dealer to hit him and gets an ace. Nineteen. He breathes easy.
"Alvin, take another card!"
"What?"
"TAKE ANOTHER CARD!"
Alvin asks for another card. It's another ace. He has twenty.
"Alvin, take another card!" the voice commands.
"I have twenty!" Alvin shouts.
"TAKE ANOTHER CARD!" booms the voice.
"Hit me!" Alvin says. He gets another ace. Twenty-one!
And the booming voice says, "Un-fucking-believable!"